The Love List

Love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day is here. Single? Yech. Dating or married? Then it’s flowers, chocolates, and the works. Not a bad deal (unless, of course, you’re the one paying for all those things). It’s funny to see a holiday so split. I’m hopefully here to change that, especially for all you single writers.

Single writers: today is your big day. No more wallowing, no more self-pity. It’s game time. In all my years, I’ve learned that people love a good story teller. And that’s what we all are, right? Writers are story tellers. It’s our ace in the sleeve. While others struggle to find the right things to say to a potential date, we of all people should have it all figured out.

Still unsure about your game? No worries, I’ve got your back. I’ve devised a list of some sure fire pick up lines for writers to use on other writers. That’s right. Writer pick up lines.

Now read on, Romeo (or Juliet) – your soul mate awaits.

(Disclosure: These pick up lines have yet to be field tested.)

Hi there. Do you enjoy reading Danielle Steel novels? Because you’re steeling my heart.

This one is for the guys. No girl can resist the romantic steaminess of a good Danielle Steel novel. Drop this bomb on her in a bookstore or coffee shop and you’ll steel the show.

Do you enjoy alliterations? Because your alluring aura assuages all awful aphorisms about actuality.

Awesome.

Tonight I will fulfill your highest fantasies, baby, and tomorrow you’ll be Tolkien about me all day.

Gandalf voice recommended for added effect. Just make sure you don’t make any, ahem, “Hobbit-sized” references.

You know why I hate reading books about math? Because they never have your number in it.

If this doesn’t get a phone number, nothing will.

I dislike haikus.

Yet I wrote this one myself

Give me your number.

Never met a girl who didn’t enjoy good poetry, especially if you’re the one writing it…

My love for you is larger than an unabridged Stephen King novel.

All 1,200 pages of it.

You make my heart pause, so will you comma on and give me your number?

And there you have it: a list of some pick-up lines for you writers to try out today. Go ahead and take ‘em. They’re on the house.

Happy Valentine’s Day, and don’t forget to call me for the wedding.

“If love doesn’t triumph, it ought to. For love is the one thing we have that feels more powerful than even death; the only respite from life’s wretched absurdity. The magic of love is not that it contains all the answers, it’s that it eliminates the need for so ma ny pressing questions. For love makes us feel like gods–and that’s what we’re really after, isn’t it?”

-Jonathan Hull, Losing Julia


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