Welcome to Writer Rants–where every Friday a writer just lets loose on whatever the heck is bugging them this week. Enjoy.
Great news! I’m looking for a freelance writer for hire and you came highly recommended! I’m starting a new online magazine and you can create all the content! I will need ten 1,000-word pieces each week complete with original photos and videos. Don’t forget the infographics! Of course, my business isn’t like anything that’s ever been seen before, so you will need to come up with totally fresh topics that have never been discussed anywhere on the Internet. Please use the keywords “aardvark Las Vegas” and “tuba lessons Nebraska” three times in each piece, completely naturally. No shoving them in there! The tone will be formal and sophisticated, but also like you are chatting with a friend. This needs to be expert-level material, so expect to spend several hours researching each piece. I will only accept the absolute best!
Oh, I almost forgot! I am starting a small business so I won’t be able to pay you in like, actual dollars. But don’t worry! There is plenty of other compensation coming your way, if you make the cut. You will gain experience and exposure to a whole new audience of vegetarian vexillologist aardvark enthusiasts! Plus you’ll get lots of karma and the satisfaction of helping a small business!
Dear Clueless Client,
You won’t believe how excited I was to get your message! I have really been hoping to break into the vegetarian vexillologist aardvark enthusiast market. Do you know how many freelance writing jobs those guys put out? Me neither, but I’m betting it’s somewhere between zilch and nada.
Sadly, I talked to my landlord today and he said he really prefers rent payments in cash rather than karma. Also, when I swiped my card at the grocery store today, I noticed that the only options were credit and debit. Looks like they don’t take any type of experience points.
Still, I was tempted by your offer of allowing me to help a small business. But then I realized that, as a professional freelance writer, I am a small business. So, maybe I’ll stick to helping my own business by actually getting paid. In money.
One of the most frustrating things to deal with as a professional writer is a client that offers lowball payments for high expectations. When you are starting out as a writer, it’s tempting to grab any work that comes your way in order to get your name out there and to develop relationships. But pretty soon the bills start piling up and you realize you can’t work for free or for cheap.
I can also understand the flip side. Clients need to get the biggest content bang for their bucks. They have a budget to manage.
That’s something we have in common.
I also have a budget to manage. I need to get the biggest paycheck for my writing time and low-paying and no-paying jobs don’t take less time or effort to complete.
As a professional writer, I deserve fair pay for my work. But, I can only get that if I protect my rates and stick to my guns.
Michelle S is professional freelance writer, but she has never met a vegetarian vexillologist aardvark enthusiast. She might be willing to create content for them, for the right price… in money.
Writer Bio: Michelle S is professional freelance writer, but she has never met a vegetarian vexillologist aardvark enthusiast. She might be willing to create content for them, for the right price… in money..