Writer Rant: The 1,000 Product Writeup Due in 24 Hours – Bad Idea

Posted on May 16, 2014 by Tom L

Welcome to Writer Rants–where every Friday a writer just lets loose on whatever the heck is bugging them this week. Enjoy.

writer rant 1

7:00AM – Ok, I’m stoked. I got the mother of all freelance writer jobs on the weekend, snaking it out of the open pool before anybody else. Sweet! I’m looking to make a cool $1,500 on this project; I just need to punch out 1,000 150-word product descriptions in 24 hours. This is easy street!

9:00AM – Done with breakfast. Time to get to work. If I work quick, I’ll probably be done before evening tonight, just in time to go have some fun at the pub, woohoo! Okay, where’s my caffeine? Must get wired and get going.

10:00AM – Hmm, I’ve finished 20 in one hour. Not fast enough. I’m going to need to work faster. More caffeine!

11:00AM – Darn, I’m hungry. 5 minutes for a snack and back to work.

12:00PM – Okay, I’m doing better, up to 50 written in an hour. I just have 900 more to go. Time to put the pedal to the medal! More caffeine!

2:00PM – Where did I put my Tylenol? My eyes are going buggy, and I’ve got a headache creeping on the back of my neck. I need to get this done! Where am I…hmm, 800 to go. Uhg. I’ve got to get higher.

3:00PM – Okay, I need lunch. Break time!

4:30PM – Back to work. Not feeling so good from that caffeine. Ugh. My hands are stiff. Gotta stretch.

5:00PM – How many have I done now? 10? Just 10? Not good. May have to cancel tonight at the pub.

7:00PM – Okay, tonight is shot. I’m only at 400 finished. I need to keep going. I should have the done by midnight. What’s that smell? Oh. Heheh. Need a shower. Break time.

9:00PM – I’ve got to stop screwing around. I’ve only got three hours before midnight when I go to sleep. More caffeine!

10:00PM – Finally, made 500. Not looking good. I think I’m going to need to pull an all-nighter. How many stir fry pans can a store sell, for crying out loud?

12:00AM – Damn, I’m tired. Eyes are going buggy and my head has that weird rain pipe noise going in my right ear. Keep working. 350 to go.

2:00AM – Why is my screen locking up? Wait, what!??? Why is my screen locking up??!? Please no, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

3:00AM – Finally, got the connection working. Where is my stuff? Please Lord, tell me it auto-saved. Oh thank, God, it auto-saved! Wait, no it didn’t. ARRRRRRRGGGGGG !!)!)!)!)@)##(#(#(#!!!!!! I’m missing the last 200 entries! OH *******!

4:00AM – My eyes are burning so bad. Can’t drink caffeine anymore. Water. Need water.

5:00AM – Where am I? Uh… 350 entries to go. How long is left? 4 hours? No, PST time is off by three. I have two hours left. Must get this done.

6:00AM – Oh my God. I think I broke my toe. But it felt good kicking that chair, it really did! 150 to go. I will get this done.

6:30AM – Did I spell-check? Hell with it. The client will have to send it back for a revision. I’ve got 30 minutes left. I will do this! HANDS DON’T CRAMP UP ON ME NOW!!!!!

6:58AM – Last one. Going to get it! Done. 30 seconds?!? AAAAHHHH SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT!!!!

7:01AM – Hello? 911? I need help please… I think I hurt my hands on my computer and I can’t get up…

Moral of the story – don’t take 24-hour 1,000 tasks jobs. They’re bad for your health and sanity.

Tom L has written thousands of articles in 9 years of freelancing but still likes his sleep more than writing.


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