Some of you are probably very aware of one of YouTube’s latest video sensations, Sh*t Girls Say. If you haven’t, I encourage everyone to click the link and check out the short clip, which has garnered nearly 12 million views and spawned both a Twitter account and dozens of spinoffs. Writers and creators Kyle Humphrey and Graydon Sheppard have masterfully crafted a minute-long video that perfectly captures—well, sh!t girls say.
At WriterAccess, sometimes we encounter similar problems. Fortunately for us, we’re lucky to work with some truly brilliant and talented writers that create amazing, original, hot-off-the-press content. Occasionally, though, there comes along a writer that completely misses the mark. In fact, it’ll leave us to wonder, “Did they really just write that?” Similarly, to sh!t girls say, “Did they really just say that?”
Listed below is the 2011 collection of some of our favorite lines that writers have submitted to us (and to their clients). You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll downright wonder who in their right mind wrote this nonsensical content? No editing was done—these entries are exactly how we received them. Without further ado, we now present to you “Sh!t Writers Say”.
10. “Before downloading a movie from one of these sites, run a quick search on the site to ensure its validity. If it is safe, then by all means watch movies online until you can watch no longer.”
Chances are the government will be knocking on your door for your illegal downloading before you can “watch movies no longer.” Speaking of which, bad grammar and poor sentence structure should become illegal. So, this tip is now twice as illegal. And just as offensive.
9. “Aging is one of the hardest facts of life to swallow, but swallow we must, regardless of how difficult it is to do so.”
Getting old is bad enough. Try losing your ability to swallow! We do appreciate those painfully hilarious puns.
8. “Another way to learn Spanish is to take a course.”
Offered by the same professor who teaches “Obvious Statements 101”. For extra credit, you can just hop a bus to Acapulco for some cultural immersion.
7. “For years, I didn’t pay much attention to the fact that my cats occasionally vomited.”
So, when did you catch on?
6. “When a bird tries to fly through the window, it has a strong likelihood of hurting or killing itself.”
Severe injury or death tends to be the result of trying to fly through solid objects at high velocities. Who’d have thought?
5. “What is actually going on while you’re feeling relieved is your butt is swinging in the wind.”
So that’s what that feeling was?
4. “The fact is, there are more myths out there about home insurance coverage than there are about mysterious upright walking creatures that roam Pacific Northwest forests – and if not more, then about just as many.”
Stay tuned for the next episode of Mythbusters, where they take on classic myths like Pacific Northwest upright walking creatures and home insurance claims.
3. “Shippers use the plastic wrap to wrap boxes together so the boxes are held together.”
“Then, the shippers write the address of the recipient on the top of the box, so the box knows where to go.”
2. “Psychology counseling is probably what most people think of when they think of psychology or counseling.”
Obvious conclusions are what I think of when I think of obvious or conclusions.
1. Plastic bottles make excellent holders for liquids.
Poor writing makes excellent content for top ten lists.
There you have it. Some of the funniest, strangest, and mind boggling pieces of writing that we’ve come across at WriterAccess. We make it our job to ensure that YOU don’t get stuck with THEM.
Thanks to Caitlin White and Corey Eridon for slogging through and finding these delightful pieces of content!