Make it Witty, Full of Facts and Keep it Short

Welcome to Writer Rants–where every Friday a writer just lets loose on whatever the heck is bugging her this week. Enjoy.

You want me to do what in how many words? Most clients have somewhat reasonable expectations when they hire a blogger. They spell out what they want in a way that the writer can understand, and possibly even accomplish. Then the job comes along that makes even the most patient blogger run for their life. Even better, the client just cannot understand why two dozen writers are not fighting to claim the work.

Make It Witty

What exactly do you find funny? Are you going for The Three Stooges? No, how about George Carlin? Probably not. I can give you Fierce Creatures: Don’t Pet Them, you just probably will not find it funny.

Wait a minute. You want me to write witty things about sewer cleaning? Not if you want me to keep things “G” rated. You want me to find witty things to say about getting your taxes done professionally? Sure, and when I am done, the I.R.S. will come looking for you.

I think the majority of writers can be witty. The problem comes in your definition of witty. Me, I like watching Mega Piranha to see the guy roll on a river bank and kick giant piranhas back into the water.

Make it Full of Facts

I can do that. Wait a minute, those facts are from your competitor. You want all of the facts linked, but no links to any competitors. Well, okay. Finally, I’ve managed to create a great article full of facts, with super links, none of which go to your competitors. I know…it’s too dry and boring.

Keep It Short

Short is easy, right? Wrong. You want a complete description of your product or service, full of enlightening details designed to make the reader hit the “Buy it Now Button.” You also want this work to be grammatically correct and written with eloquence.

You want a meta description that has exactly 150 characters. Not 149, not 151, 150 exactly. This also must be detailed and grammatically correct while including your 10-word keyword string. I think someone needs to enlighten you.