Writer Rant: 9 Hilarious but Insulting Q&A About Being a Marketing Writer

Welcome to Writer Rants–where every Friday a writer just lets loose on whatever the heck is bugging him this week. Enjoy.

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As freelance writers, we’ve all experienced those seemingly prodding inquiries into our line of work. Even worse are the incredulous looks of disbelief when you reply, “I’m a freelance writer.” While I would ideally expect my answer to result in an “Ah-Ha” moment for the inquirer, it usually elicits a stare as if I am some incognito international drug dealer. Be it as it may, I am a content marketing writer and I love what I do. Yet, I am not so fond of the likes of the following questions.

1) “No seriously, what do you really do?”

My first thought is, “I really punch annoying people in their face.” Yet, this reaction would be highly supportive of my participation in an international drug cartel. Instead, I explain the phenomenon of content marketing and the vital role I play in the entire schema as a marketing writer.

2) “Did you have to go to school for that?”

Most often, I explain that even though I have a B.S. in Finance, I choose to create content because it’s my passion. However, several content marketers do have a strong background in English or Communications.

3) “So…Who do you work for?”

I work for myself, but I have multiple clients. Instead of working under my name, all payments and business is conducted under my company name, which greatly simplifies my taxes.

4) “So you work for yourself, but you work for other people. How do you possibly book time off?

Would you ask Batman the same series of questions? Of course not! However, I honestly do have a rather difficult time taking true “time off” because of my passion for what I do. At the same time, usually when I take the proverbial “time off,” I find myself sneaking in the bathroom to write a line or something like that.

5) “What do you do all day?”

In between blowing spit bubbles and predicting Maury Povich’s paternity test results, I’m a marketing writer and a member of the Justice League. My team of cohorts and I create high quality content for the world wide web, which has fueled a digital marketing industry valued at a measly $62 billion.

6) “Do you have to check in the office?”

Yes, of course I do. Each day, I check in my office located in between the corners of WWW and .COM. I am there all the time, but I only see visitors by appointment.

7) “Do people actually pay you for that?”

Based on a first grader’s definition of a job, payment is required. However, I have grown to prefer peanuts. In most cases, I am compensated by my clients at the time of completion or at some predetermined interval or date. To make things really easy, I do request all of my clients pay me through PayPal.

8) “Are you still doing that thing you do? Wait, what did you say you did again?”

Refer to the first sentence in question #1.

9) “Why don’t you go try {insert lame job here}”

Amazing! You make suggestions too? Instead of potentially expiring from lack of stimulation, I find my line of work fulfilling, engaging, and most importantly free and clear of numb skulls like you.

As a proud and accomplished freelance content marketer, Elliott C has worked diligently to make his friends and family take his career choice seriously. However, upon looking in the mirror at his Grateful Dead t-shirt, below-the-knee cargo shorts, FSU beanie, and facetious smile, he realizes that he doesn’t take himself too seriously.


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